That's what I call him. To relate him to me as "brother" is disgusting. You see to me, the titles of family are not a given, they're earned. He gave up his privilege when he first abused me.

For most of my life it never occurred to me that what he did was wrong. Now I know better. It may be common, I don't know, but being common doesn't make it right. A little over a century ago slavery was common, that didn't make it right.

I was set up. I was set up by Mom and by the olderfemale sibling. I'm not sure I want to call her sister. I can't think of calling Mom anything else yet. Mom did the most and worst damage, the olderfemale sibling reinforced the lessons Mom taught whether she knew it or not.

By the time the oldermale sibling got around to using me for sex I had "use me" tattooed on my forehead. :/ I didn't say no because I simply didn't know I could. Mom had beaten that ability out of me. The olderfemale sibling had made certain that any possible trace of self was gone.

So when he said, "I have a new game to show you." I wasn't wary. Why should I be? Even when he told me to take off my clothes and lay on the bed, it never occurred to me to say no. Even when he laid on top of me, it never occurred to me to say no. All I did was retreat into the floor joists above. I know ever knot hole, every dried sap drip, every crack of those joists. I followed the pattern of abuse taught to me from a very young age. He was boss and I didn't dare deny what he wanted.

He didn't "rape" me. He never penetrated me. All he did was rub himself between my thighs until he orgasmed. That was all he did. So tell me, why was that so hard to type?

Mom and dad would go out shopping, or go out socializing and the oldermale sibling was left to "baby-sit" me. He took frequent advantage of that. He masturbated on me time after time. I have no clear memory of the number of times, only that it was more than a few times. The memories merged in their commonalties. There were some differences though. Things in the room changed, the bed moving from one wall to another, the window being open then closed, the pop bottle filled with yeast and water with the condom tied on it (a science experiment with his special touch) being there and then not, changing colours of bed covers. All those things make to ensure my knowledge that it wasn't a one time event.

Then one day, I have no idea how old I was, I think about 12 or so, we were camping. I was washing in the big camper. He opened the zipper and tried to verbally coerce me into his tent. I shook my head. I denied him sex. I finallysaid no. I don't know where my ability to say no came from but it finally did come. I'll never forget the last thing he said before he gave up, "It's not like you're a virgin anymore." :(

He never came to me again. But he also got his first girlfriend shortly after that. I don't know why he came to me for sex to begin with. What gave him the idea that sisters were for that purpose? He knew it was wrong, very wrong because he kept warning me to not tell Mom and Dad cuz then I'd get into tons of trouble.

I guess it's all moot now anyway. No explanation he could dream up would be adequate and there is no possible excuse to his behaviour. Nothing he could say or do could redress the hurt he's inflicted on me.

I did write to him telling him to stay out of my life. I did that after I got a call from his wife and she threatened to catch a bus with him and come visit. Not cool. I wish I could find the letter. I said a lot of very powerful things in it. If I ever do (the original was lost in the great puter crash of 97) I'll be sure to post it here. The upshot of it was that he isn't welcome in my home, that what he did was wrong, and I'm mightily pissed off at him. I told that I don't want to see him. I didn't tell him that I'd be telling the family, but why should I have?

Anyway, that's the story about the oldermale sibling. I hate him, and I love him. I'm related to him but I'd rather he was a total stranger to me.