I'm a relatively recent nonsmoker. I quit March 26, 1999. I'm obnoxious about it too. I used to say "I'll never be an antismoking nazi" because of the times when I'd been polite and some nonsmokers were obnoxious. However, the best laid plans of mice, men and nonsmokers get flattened by reality. I became a rather rabid anti smoke person. Well, perhaps not too rabid since I realize that, as with any addiction, people who smoke won't quit until either they're ready to quit or dead. I won't allow smoking in my home anymore though. I don't like being around smokers either. I despise standing at a bus stop and having someone else's smoke blow at me and stink up my hair and clothing.

With all that being said about my vehement anti smoking I will say that I miss it dreadfully sometimes. If I were diagnosed with a fatal disease and was told that I was going to die in 6 months I would probably go back to smoking. Sad, isn't it? I'm an addict. My drug of choice was nicotine.

I spent most of the time I was married (up 'til I quit and it stuck) either quitting or thinking about quitting. At no time before that fateful day was I truly ready. I was quitting for someone else, because the damned smokes cost too much, or whatever. Not once in that time did I think of quitting for me and me alone. When I quit in 1999, I quit for me.

My S.O. and I quit together. We bought a supply of nicotine gum and set ourselves a date for stopping. It happened to be a Friday, a day that I babysat a friend's little boy. I never smoked around him so that made my start a little earlier than my S.O.'s.

Once I was able to be away from the gum too I found that I would still crave cigarettes. I discovered that I used them to cover up my feelings. If I was feeling upset I'd light up. Feeling excited? Have a smoke. I'd smoke instead of feeling.

I still crave cigarettes. I crave the emotional blanket they threw over me. I crave being able to cover up with that blanket and ease my aching psyche. Of course all I have to do to assuage the distress of a craving is walk by someone who is smoking, or who just butted out. EWWWWWW!!!

I like the smell of me now. I like smelling my hair after it's freshly shampooed and dried. I like smelling my clothes that still smell like they were freshly laundered even after I've worn them for a few hours. I like that my nose works. I like that I can walk without getting out of breath. I am definitely worth the work, aggravation and loss of sleep that quitting involved. I deserve to breath freer and be healthier. So when a new craving hits I tell myself these things. Surprisingly enough, it does help.

Out of this I have some sage words after over twenty years of smoking. Never date a smoker and if you do, don't start smoking to make kissing them tolerable. That's how I started and believe me, quitting is one hell of a lot harder than starting was. Just plain old don't start smoking. There's nothing "cool" about it, unless you think coughing up lung mung, breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon, and having ugly yellow teeth a camel would find unattractive, are cool.

For those who are still smoking I would ask that you keep considering and trying to quit. Some day you won't try, you'll do.